Shit Types

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4 responses to “Shit Types”

1. 

   Peter Farrahy

   February 16, 2012

   Speaking of all things shitty. Ireland in 2012

   By the by The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste are the Prime Minister and his deputy.

   The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste

   With apologies to Lewis Carroll a man who understood hypocrisy so much better than I.

   Ireland was shining like a lord,

   shining with all its might:

   It did it’s very best to make

   the prospects smooth and bright —

   and this was odd, because you see

   inIreland, things were not quite right.

    

   The banks lost all the money,

   but were not the only one —

   who had no business being there–

   after the day was done —

   ‘It’s very rude of you.’ they said,

   ‘To come and spoil our fun!’

    

   ‘No faults are ours’ they did declare,

   the markets, and others too–

   must come and take a share.

   Who guarded us with tissue rules–

   that left this cupboard bare:

   We cannot fail it is beyond the pale —

   and utterly unfair.

    

   The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste

   were walking close at hand:

   They wept like anything to see–

   all banks were made of sand.

   ‘If only we had a clearer way,’

   They said, ‘it really would be grand.’

    

   ‘If seven maids with seven mops

   swept money aside for a year.

   Do you suppose,’ the Taoiseach said,

   ‘that they could get us clear?’

   ‘l doubt it,’ said Tánaiste,

   And shed a bitter tear.

    

   ‘O People, come and walk with us!

   the Taoiseach did beseech.

   ‘A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,

   For we must fill the breach:

   We cannot do much about such,

   But take all within our reach.’

    

   The elder People listened,

   but never a word they said:

   The elder people winked their eye,

   for they had already been bled–

   meaning to say they did not choose

   To believe a word they said.

    

   Out came the folk all hurried up.

   All eager for the treat:

   Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,

   Their shoes were clean and neat —

   And this was odd, because, you know,

   They hardly missed a beat.

    

   More people followed all in trim,

   All calling for the law.

   And thick and fast they came at last,

   then more, and more, and more —

   All hoping that the bland might have a plan,

   To get them safe to shore.

    

   The Taoiseach and the Tánaiste,

   Walked on a mile or so,

   And then they rested on a rock

   Conveniently low:

   And all the people stood around

   And waited for the blow.

    

   ‘The time has come,’ the Taoiseach said,

   ‘To talk of many things:

   Of booze — and chips — and stealing hax —

   Of cabbages — and things —

   And why you must pay more tax —

   And the wealthy keep their rings.’

    

   ‘But wait a bit,’ the people cried,

   ‘Before we have our chat;

   For some of us are out of wealth,

   And all of us are sat!’

   ‘No hurry!’ said the Taoiseach.

   They thanked him much for that.

    

   ‘A loan of bread,’ the Taoiseach said,

   ‘Is what we chiefly need:

   Justice and fairness put aside

   that’s very good indeed.

   Now, if you’re ready, people dear,

   You can all begin to bleed.’

    

   ‘But not us!’ the people cried,

   Your promises were untrue.

   ‘After such trust, that would be

   A dismal thing to do!’

   ‘The plan is not mine,’ the Taoiseach said,

   ‘Do you not admire my view?’

    

   ‘It was so kind of you to come!

   And you are all so very nice!’

   The Tánaiste said nothing but

   ‘It’s not us who set so high a price.

   ‘I wish you people were not quite so deaf-

   I’ve had to tell you twice!’

    

   ‘It seems a shame,’ the Taoiseach said,

   ‘To play them such a trick.

   After we’ve brought them out so far,

   And made them vote so slick!’

   The Tánaiste said nothing but

   ‘The people are ready, to take another kick.

    

   ‘I weep for you,’ the Taoiseach said:

   ‘I deeply sympathize.’

   With sobs and tears he sorted out–

   assets to be sold so cheap, among so many cries.

   Holding his pocket-handkerchief

   Before his streaming eyes.

    

   ‘O people,’ said the Taoiseach,

   ‘You’ve had such party fun!

   Shall we be trotting home again?’

   But answer came there none —

   And this was scarcely odd, because

   They’d ruined every one.

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2. 

   Phoenix

   February 13, 2012

   I have laughed out so loud… AHHAHA

   And it was funnier cause I took a Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Shit 5 minutes before searching this!

    

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3. 

   Baby Gates

   January 6, 2011

   I will Have to say. While reading this, I do not think I have laughed that hard in a long time. I laughed so hard that I had to run to the toilet and drop off the kids. Thank you so much for the laughs. It is nice to see some good clean humor sometimse! LMAO!!!!!

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4. 

   Strangely

   March 12, 2009

   Added the Raft Shit after inspiration from here, https://www.banterist.com/poland_dispatch_10/#comment-157086

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