Why Cyclists Should Wear Black Shorts

“Oh dear!”, I thought, when I read this article on the BBC news today….

Elite cyclists ‘risk infertility’

Read the article.  Apparently…

“The Spanish study of top triathletes found those who cover more than 186 miles (300km) a week on their bikes have less than 4% normal looking sperm.”

Well I do a bit less than that, so naturally, I thought,

What is the normal amount of good sperms in my jism?

…..as you do, if you’re a bloke, which I am….

A Sperm

Fortunately, the article tells you, a bit lower down.  And it’s at this point, that you become shockingly aware of the piss-poor science and piss-poor interpretive reporting going on….

How so?

Quite simple, really.  They’ve completely buggered up any normal definition of the word,

NORMAL

What the article says is that if you are really fit, your good jism count goes down to ~5%.  This means 1 in 20 sperms are duff!  So for an elite cyclist, normally, most of their sperms are bad.

Come, Come.  You Can’t be Serious!

However, if you are a “normal” bloke, the “normal” amount of fit and healthy sperms is…wait for it… it’s coming…here it is…aaaahhhhh!

15-20%

So in other words, most men’s sperm is 80% duff.  Only 1 in 5 are good!  So for a non-cyclist, normally, most of their sperms are bad.  Exactly the same.

What Is Normal?

Born in 1972 in Uccle, Belgium, Axel is the son of five-time Tour de France champion Eddy Merckx.

This is my point.  It’s normal to have most of my sperm completely incapable of fulfilling their duty.  A fit, elite,  cyclist, by definition, is continuously stressing their body beyond it’s limits, and when the body is stressed it’s secondary functions are put into standby.  It’s the same for women.

The point is the poor use of words.  In the article, the phrase abnormal sperm is used to describe poor viability sperm.  However, most sperm has poor viability!

So poor quality sperm is not abnormal – it’s normal!  It’s the good sperm that’s abnormal, so please get it right!

As an aside, we’ve evolved to have a proponderence of ‘inferior’ sperm.  They are actually necessary to our survival.  Their function is manifold – from the physical one of blocking the passage of later sperm to promote the success of the first individual’s mating, to providing the correct chemical environment for the passge of the more viable sperms.  There is a chemical and biological arms race going on at the microscopic level, about which we are only now just becoming aware.  It’s been happening for a billion years and no doubt will continue for a lot longer…

Research

Chris Boardman and his Son

The Spanish team has just looked at the jism.  They intend to do further research.  Might I suggest they do a statistical analysis of the fecundity of former professional cyclists as a starting point.  Start with “The Animal”, Eddy Merckx and his son Axel.  Then go and chat to Chris Boardman and his son and Bernard Hinault and his.  Go and see the cycling daughter of Britain’s greatest ever cyclist, Beryl Burton.

These people were at the very, very, top of their sport for years and had children.  There are many more like them.  Nuff said.

Q.  In What?

• In prison – yes obviously
• In politics – yes
• In a relationship – well yes, especially the past week for me
• In Between News Items….

Yes! That’s the one!

Last week it was announced to the world that 196 convicted French prisoners are going to cycle this years Tour de France route.  See the Reuters News item here which originally reported the story: What could possibly go wrong?

It’s an enlightened bit of prisoner rehabititation.  The 196 inmates plus 124 obviously fit guards are doing the 17 stages, stopping in towns each night that all have a prison, but staying in hotels. 

Now contrast this with the report last month about the shocking state of French jails (Prison guards’ strike hits packed French jails). 

In fact, there is no contrast.  It’s the French guards who are protesting about the poor state of things, with five to a cell etc.

Taken in this context, the cycle ride does not sound so strange now, does it?

Today the Ride Sets Off

Many news organisations have reported the start of the run today.  They are all using the same copy, many using the same images as well.

They all report that 194 prisoners are doing the ride compared to the fact that they all reported that 196 were going to do it last week.

So what happened to the 2 men? !!

Did they, as all the news outlets so humourously remarked, go on a “breakaway sprint” which “are obviously not allowed”?  Or maybe they feared they’d have to cycle through Mulhouse which has this interesting cycle lane to negotiate.

Picture from Warrington Cycle Campaign

Simple.

• Live in County Durham, UK
• Don’t pass the driving test
• Drive a car, unsupervised, with your partner and her 6-year old child as passengers!
• Find a cyclist while driving around
• Make sure the cyclist is not wearing a helmet
• Knock over the cyclist with your illegally driven and thus un-insured car
• Make sure the cyclist dies

That’s how!

Quoting from The Journal, Live, here’s what happened:

A MOTORIST who had driven for eight years without ever passing a test escaped jail after killing a cyclist.

Denis Moore, 50, regularly drove his partner’s Hyundai Matrix mobility car despite only holding a provisional licence.   Durham Crown Court was told yesterday how he was behind the wheel when he collided with cyclist James Jorgensen at 6pm on September 24 last year.

Mr Jorgensen, 55, of East Shore Village, Seaham, County Durham, was riding round a roundabout near his home when Moore’s car hit him.   He was flung to the ground and died eight days later of severe head injuries.

But Moore, 50, of Byron Terrace, Houghton-le-Spring, near Sunderland, escaped jail after the court was told Mr Jorgensen had not been wearing a safety helmet.

That’s murder in my book.  The man Moore plainly has no consideration for the lives of others and the laws that we have to protect us.

The twat judge is no better and should be strung up or struck off.  Like our forgetful MPs and their expenses, the judge has shown a complete disregard for the law, both literally and in it’s spirit.  The judge’s tiny supposition that “helmets are safe” has completely outweighed the cascade of offences that Moore committed by actually driving on the public highway.  If Jorgenson had lived, what hope would there have been for him to get any damages from Moore?  None!  Because by driving on the road, Moore’s insurance was invalidated and any compensation would have had to be derived from Moore’s limited means.  His partner Bell was the same by allowing the offences.

In fact, it could be argued that Jorgenson, the cyclist, may have cycled differently and avoided a collision if he’d spotted some L-Plates on Moore’s car – but of course, Moore didn’t have any.

What a pair of complete and utter bastards, Moore and the Judge.

The completely un-reasoned argument the judge used could be applied to all ‘accidents’ (I hate that term – they should be called crashes, because that’s what they are, and almost all are completely avoidable).

By the same criteria;

• Anyone knocked over on the footpath could have been saved by wearing a helmet or a suit of armour.
• Anyone shot by a gunman could have escaped death by wearing a bullet-proof vest.
• Anyone killed in a airplane crash should have had a parachute.

It’s the same, stupid, un-reasoned logic that shifts the onus of responsibility onto the injured person.

By The Way, Moore had to pay a £15 ‘victim surcharge’.  That’s the price of a life.

L-Plates are £2.99 from Amazon…

Latest News

I saw this tragic news (Pregnant woman dies in kerb crash) after writing the above today.  Both the woman and her foetus died when hit by a BMW while walking on the footpath.  It’ll be interesting to see if the stupid logic of the previous case is used when justice is finally served…  Should she have been wearing a suit of armour last night?  Can you see the rubbish logic at work now?

See local news link: Pregnant Carlisle woman dies after car mounts pavement

References

• Killer driver Denis Moore escapes jail
• Killer driver escapes prison because cyclist wasn’t wearing a helmet
• Judge blames dead cyclist in “extraordinary” court case against illegal driver
• Man’s momentary lapse caused death of cyclist
• Driver who killed pedal cyclist walks free from court
• Cyclist dies after accident in Seaham
• Unlicensed driver killed cyclist

Black 2001 Saturn SC2. That’s the car I drive – and if you’re a bicyclist on the road but not in a bike path and you see my car, I hope you’re wearing a helmet, because I might run you over.

Maybe not intentionally.

But you see, with all these things I can do in my car nowadays, such as choose a different song on my iPod, send a text message while driving or fall asleep at the wheel because I had to wake up for a worthless 8 a.m. biology lab, I might not notice you.

And, considering you are where you should not be, I might hit you.

The simple fact of the matter is, MSU has so kindly provided sidewalks for people on foot and Rollerblades, and MSU’s ordinance should be revised to require bicyclists be there too. The university has outlined bike paths on certain roads, but bicyclists can’t just create imaginary bike paths like they do.

I cannot drive my car on the sidewalk, so why must you ride your bicycle where I drive?

Many of my friends ride bicycles on campus, so I’m not trying to berate a whole demographic of students. I appreciate bicyclists who advocate environmentalism, since they are making up for the damage I do with my car.

I respect bicyclists who use bicycles as a form of exercise, since people certainly can never get enough fitness in their everyday routines.

But for as much as I respect and appreciate bicyclists, I will not hesitate to honk at them when they are interfering with the roads.

My concern is not merely about inconvenience.

Bicyclists on the road are a driving hazard to people in automobiles, since many bicyclists make turns without using hand signals and ride too close to other vehicles when there is no designated bike path.

For example, I was driving to work Tuesday when a bicyclist pulled up in front of my car in the right lane on Farm Lane going northbound where it intersects with Shaw Lane. There is no bike path at this portion of the road, and I needed to be in the right lane to avoid the left turn only lane, but the bicyclist was in the way.

Instead, I had to speed ahead and veer away from the fast-approaching rear end of the car in front of me, just barely making it into the right lane.

Some will say I could be more patient on the road.

But roads are for cars, not bicyclists. The bicyclist should not have been in the car lane.

It’s possible some bicyclists are trying to live out their dreams of being Lance Armstrong, and the smooth terrain offered by the roads where big, people-killing cars are designed to travel on are more desirable than the sidewalk pavement.

I get it, bicyclists – you’re in the Tour de France. Well, in your head at least.

But in reality, my gas-guzzling, carbon footprint-leaving car is trying to get around you, the bicyclist. And you, the bicyclist, prefer to coast, not along the side of the lane but in the exact middle.

Maybe in your head you are actually driving a car. Maybe that’s why you believe you should be behind a pickup truck and in front of 15 other cars trying to pass you.

And maybe you are Armstrong, so talented and in shape and able to pedal so, so fast. But Armstrong’s average speed in the 2001 Tour de France was 24.9 mph, which is 0.1 mph less than most of the speed limits on and around campus.

Plus, I’ve had difficulty finding students who actually obey the speed limit anyway.

It’s common for motorists to drive at least 5 mph above the speed limit, which makes your task to out-pedal Lance Armstrong all the more daunting. And considering you’re not actually Armstrong (even if you do wear a skintight yellow bicycle uniform), you likely are not going 24.9 mph.

And, oh yeah, Armstrong is competing when he is bicycling – your leisurely ride through campus might not even register on a police radar.

But, hey, snap out of it. You’re not Lance Armstrong.

And those are the headlights of my black 2001 Saturn SC2 bearing down on you.

Zack Colman is the State News opinion writer. Reach him at colmanz1@msu.edu.

Published on Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Zack’s piece is a prime example of why there are no such things as ‘accidents’. All crashes and killings are someone’s fault – maybe it’s inattention, but it’s everyone’s duty to be attentive. If you can’t do it, get off the road.

Their dedicated work over the years has now brought in the first real 20mph zone in their town (see here).  Elsewhere on the website, is an article called The Effect of Cycle Lanes on Cyclists’ Road Space. (pdf file) …

Have a look.  The photos clearly show the effect of road markings on driver behaviour.

Humber Bridge Approach

As an aside, now consider these road markings on this ‘safety’ photo from the Warrington Cycle Campaign’s ‘Facility of the Month‘ feature.   Just remind yourself, that highly trained road engineers were paid a dollop of cash for designing this crap. If you were a cyclist, what would you do when confronted by this idiocy?

For myself, the A38 as it hammers down in it’s notional 30mph way through Bridgwater provides even less room than the photos in the report.  I have a few dirty marks on my right elbow from vehicles that have brushed me by….

Funnily enough, if I creep along at 12mph, drivers give me about 2m room usually.  On the other hand, if I’m cycling along at 26mph they give me about 0.5m room – work that one out!!!

The cyclists in Bridgwater don’t make it easy though.  Motorists are inured to the bizarre cycling which goes some way to  validating their behaviour.

• Q. How so?
• A.  Well most seem to cycle with a complete arse about tit attitude to personal and other’s safety.

In my journeys to and from the office, I’ve characterised two main types of (adult) cyclist.  Children & teens don’t count.  Adults should know better.

1. The sort who cycle on the road with rusty bikes and no lights at night.
2. The sort who cycle along the footpath on brand new Daewoo’s from Halfords, lights showing at night!

So the people with lights cycle on the path – and vice-versa.  Complete madness!  As bad as the road marking engineers!

I didn’t think it was possible to cycle along the top of iron railings.  Now I know it’s possible.  I love the perseverance he shows.

If he doesn’t do any major damage to himself I see a long career in advertising and films, don’t you?

The music is singularily inappropriate. The link comes from someone at the CTC who’s spotted it.  This guide to family cycling is singularily inappropriate as well!  Ho Hum.

Mark Cavendish wins by 11cm over 185km!

Mark Cavendish wins by 11cm over 185km!

Gazzetta della sport run the race and have a Mario Cippollini interview here.  Websites and news agencies across the globe are full of Cavendish’s win but in Britain it’s a 15 second radio item and well-buried articles on the BBC etc.  Most UK news even forgets to mention that he’s only the second Briton to win the race – the other being the tragically great Tommy Simpson.

The Milan-San Remo spring classic even has it’s centennial edition this year but that obviously isn’t good enough for the UK!  It’s 185km of up and down, finishing with a sprint.  Mere mortals would die from the effort!  Good profiles and maps are here.  Even the finish is dodgy – after descending perilous hairpins the sprint is in a town with more bends and obstacles.

But the UK general public are oblivious.  Cavendish has won more TDF stages than any other Briton – in short, apart from a few speed time-trialling type records, he’s the most successful British cyclist ever and he’s only just started!

But how’d you know?

Chris Hoy and the other Olympians had their moments of fame and he even won Sport Personality 2008.  What are they doing now?

How’d you know?

This Year’s Tour de France

Lance Armstrong has said he’s going to give it another go.  Cavendish is flying.   Mont Ventoux where Simpson (Holly’s uncle) died in that race, is scheduled to be climbed for the first time since 2002 …

The omens are there – it stands to be a cracking race.  But will we be able to see it in the UK in normal time if you don’t get Eurosport?  I doubt it.

CTC & Guardian

[amazon-product align="left" alink="0000FF" bordercolor="FFFFFF" height="240" region="uk"]000728487X[/amazon-product]I’m indebted to this week’s CTC newsletter for pointing out an article by Ben Goldacre in the Guardian last Saturday (a week ago).   I’ve used one of Mr Goldacre’s articles before in some presentations I’ve done at work when pointing out the poor and devious ways that good statistics can be presented and the poor data collection and usages that follow.

LV (formerly London & Victoria amongst other  in/ass-urance names), did a survey, badly, and then got a plug on TV to talk about it.

They said it’s got really bad being a cyclist because the accident statistics have gone up.

Now read this link (Perils on the road to PR-reviewed data) and see Mr Goldacre pull the rubbish apart.

Of course, the trouble is that the damage is done.  Comparing the demographics and sheer numerical difference between Saturday Guardian readers and GMTV viewers (lots of children there..) makes the impact of the crap so much worse.  Even the words of the world’s oldest and largest cycling organisation were no avail.

British Judge & Bike Hat Stats

In another nutty bit of legal weaselling,  a case where a cyclist and motorcyclist collided (Smith v Finch 2009), the judge, Mr Justice Griffith Williams, ruled that the cyclist could have been found partly liable if wearing a helmet would have prevented or reduced his or her injuries

On the face of it, this appears sound.  However, the statistics from long-term data collection disprove the efficacy of cycle helmets except for very young children who have large heads relative to their thin, weak necks.

There are a host of reasons why.

But as an example of how statistics could be used in future.

Suppose I crashed in my car and damaged my head.  Using statistics, it can be proven that if I was wearing a helmet in my car, that would have reduced my risk of brain damage and the very same logic of the judge could be applied to me.

It sounds daft, but if everyone in the UK was forced to wear helmets when driving, at least 300 deaths a year would be saved.

But wait!  Many deaths “on the roads” aren’t in cars – they’re pedestrians!!! So really, when you leave the house to pop to the shop, you should wear a crash helmet because another 500 people a year will be saved!  When a car hits a person, the pedestrian’s head nearly always hits the top edge of the windscreen.  Ouch.

Now that’s the power of stupidly using statistics.

And using the judge’s logic, everyone killed walking down the street or mown down at a bus-stop by a car – it’s your fault!!!  (Only 0.7% of hospital admissions for head injury are cyclists involved in road traffic accidents)

Links & Reading:

• Court judgment has major implications for cyclists – bike radar 200902
• UK High Court judgment requires cyclists to wear helmets -  pros safety organisation
• Cyclist without a helmet wins case despite RoSPA report -  old 1999 legal case, almost exactly the same!
• Wearing helmets ‘more dangerous’ – Bath University Study, 2006
• BICYCLE HELMET RESEARCH FOUNDATION – nice graph, says it all.
• Key Facts About Cycling & Other Injuries -  read them all, carefully!
• Mandatory bike helmet laws:  random facts -  shedloads of stats, mainly Australian.  Triple ZZZ-worthy for insomniacs.

In Buddhism, there’s a concept called the forces of negativity which is inherent to the whole universe – but especially when applied to living sentient beings like ourselves.

These negative forces are extremely apparent when the Velib Cycle Scheme in Paris is considered.  We have:

• The initial doubts about cycling in general
• Doubts about the success of the scheme
• Doubts about the cost
• Negative reporting about the current state of the scheme  – Thefts puncture Paris bike scheme

It’s this last one, the BBC report that I’ll examine.

These are the bald statistics gloomily reported in the BBC article:

The point is that we now have a climate of gloom where all reporters are seemingly in competition to see who can make the worst-sounding news!

We see it in the herd behaviour of stock marketteers and the current financial and industrial crisis.

The whole tenor of the article is that:

• the scheme is crap,
• Parisians aren’t to be trusted (because other cities like Lyons have similar schemes or are going to, like London),
• and the whole thing is a waste of money.

My take on it is:

Let’s look at the benefits!

• I see 8k bikes lost which have done 15k km since inception and cost 400 Euros (3.2m Euros, which in the current banking props is less than peanuts)
• This is a distance cost of 37.5km per Euro – which compares favourably with an average car’s fuel consumption!
• But no fuel is used!!!
• In fact, this cost is about the same as the annual cost for a set of tyres for a 4×4 (I only compared fuel costs above, not total running costs)
• I see a cost of 2100 journeys per bike – many of which would have been otherwise done in cars, taxis etc.
• In fact I see huge savings in CO² emissions all round, and that, in reality, is the prime thing anyone can do to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels and possibly slow the exponential growth in the temperature of our world.

Other Info:

For a positive view of the Velib scheme from someone who’s actually used it, see The Impending Failure of San Francisco’s Pilot Bike Share Program.  Matthew Roth however, seems disenchanted with the prospects for a similar scheme in San Francisco.  Like I said, it’s the reporting that’s gloomy and suspect.  Read the BBC article and see how positive a slant is given to the impending San Francisco scheme, negative to the Parisian scheme, and compare to Matthew’s on-the-spot take….

Beryl Burton at Speed

Following GB cycling’s successes at the recent 2008 olympics and world championships, I was reminded about the accomplishments of Beryl Burton who died early over 10 years ago.
It seems that in any sphere of human endeavour there is always one person who is head and shoulders better than anyone else.  We had the domination in tennis, say, of Navratilova, Sampras, Federer;  in motorsport of Fangio, Senna, Schumacher.

This year and for the past few, GB has had Chris Hoy, who has changed sport several times, and become champion at all of them.

But for longevity, and as an amateur, Beryl Burton’s exploits bring tears to my eyes for sheer determination.  In the big tours, like the Tour de France, the time-trial is called “the race of truth”, because everyone can watch you, all the way.  There’s no hiding, no competitor.  You ride against the clock and against all the negativity produced by your body.

In this Beryl Burton excelled.  For two years, at one distance (the 12hr), she was faster than any man in the world.  Indeed, when she broke the record she passed a man (Mike McNamara) who was in the process of setting the Men’s record! As she passed him, she is reputed to have given him a Liquorice Allsort – which he ate!

Beryl Burton didn’t start to ride until late – 18.  But then for 25 years she won medals and set records in nearly every single year.  Maybe she burnt out? (She died of heart failure on a training ride aged 59).  Who knows – but what a legacy?