Tag Archive: Rights Reserved

Windows Defrag to News 9 Today Browser Scam

Free Windows Defragmenter Search

Take this for a scam and a half way of fixing the Google search results!

Defrag Search Results

Defrag Search Results

Today I was looking for an old defrag program, but couldn’t remember the name – so I went to Google.  That’s the screenshot on the right.

The second result looked promising.  After all, the text says,

Anyone know what is currently the best defragmenter for Windows 7 x64 64 bit, and why? Does it have any problems?

News 9 Today  (news9today.org)

News9 Today

News9 Today

Unfortunately, tehparadox.com is not all it seems.  The page actually referenced is http://tehparadox.com/forum/f85/best-defragmenter-windows-7-x64-452359/, which looks kosher enough, but it has nothing at all to do with disc defragmenters, and everything to do with get rich quick schemes!! (That is a screenshot on the left).

It’s like all the other fake news sites that we’ve seen recently, except in this case, the whole meta data of the website is built to deceive the search engines!

For instance, the title stays in the browser tabs, saying,

“Best defragmenter for Windows 7 x64 64 bit?”

The whole html source code is here.  You’ll see that the meta data bit reads:

name=”keywords” content=”Best,defragmenter,Windows,7,x64,64,bit, Best defragmenter for Windows 7 x64 64 bit?, downloads,free,resources,online,sharing,community,movies,games,720p,1080p,anime,applications,music,tv shows,e-books,comic books,discussions,warez,dvdr,rapidshare,megaupload,netload,hotfile,fileserve,filesonic”

name=”description” content=”Anyone know what is currently the best defragmenter for Windows 7 x64 64 bit, and why? Does it have any problems? Or should I just use the default one that comes with Windows 7? Thanks.”

Where Does it Point?

The links all go to

https://ssl.clickbank.net/order/restricted.html?errCode=accntstate&cbhopvendor=homejonlin

which then redirects to

http://www.home-online-jobs.org/check-positions-available/?hop=maspromo

WHOIS www.home-online-jobs.org

Well, they’re hidden of course.  You should know what I think of businesses that choose to be anonymous, but to repeat, I think they’re shite.  See ‘http://whois.domaintools.com/home-online-jobs.org for their “details”.

Noticeably, they have very peculiar name servers:

Name Server:NS1.MYHOMEWEALTHSYSTEM.COM

Name Server:NS2.MYHOMEWEALTHSYSTEM.COM

MYHOMEWEALTHSYSTEM.COM

This bunch of jokers are also hidden, see ‘http://whois.domaintools.com/myhomewealthsystem.com but they Do have an actual web page promoting much the same stuff.  This has been seriously debunked by Paul at WorkAtHomeTruth here back in March 2010.  He has more red flags than the semaphore kid going on it.

The Biggest Killer Laugh of All

News9TodaySmallPrint

News9 Today Small Print

MyHomeWealthSystem at least has a web page.

Now go back to the top and examine News9Today.  Down at the bottom of their small print, they say:

Copyright 2010 © News9Today.org All Rights Reserved.

Hmm?  A website URL.  I wonder what it looks like?

Well actually, if you can recall the CNN logos at the top of the page, like so (directly from their server):

Tehparadox

As seen on CNN? Ha Ha!

After getting the link to the header image above which is sourced from http://www.news9today.org/home-job-news/index_files/features16.jpg, I back-spaced to go back to the News9 Today page – and ended up on the tehparadox page here:  http://tehparadox.com/forum/f85/best-defragmenter-windows-7-x64-452359/

You see in the screenshot that the top advert is a “Google Is Hiring” scam advert?  Where does it go?

A. Well http://www.news9today.org/home-online-job-positions/?tid=hojab6 of course!

Conclusion

Somehow the browser has been redirected from the Google search page to the header advert from the tehparadox website.  This could be SQL injection or a bug in their server or my browser setup.

Whatever, this really stinks, and it’s a new thing to be wary about.

Related Posts:

Google Treasure Chest – it’s a scam and a half!

Introduction

While fishing around for some chords I came across azchords.com – as you do.  They’ve a shedload of Google ads and I accidentally hit the banner ad while trying to get rid of pesky popups (why do sites still do this now?)  I was taken to the website of someone called Kevin Hoeffer and an honestly dismal automatic sales pitch.  http://www.kevinlifeblog.com is the address.

kevinlifeblog.com

@AmazonKevin, of course is anonymous because his website uses WhoisGuard.  This “protects” the domain holder from spam, they say.  Well that’s one thing it does – another is that it make it hard to trace spivs. Anyway, he links to EarnFastCashwithGoogle.  This is the link:

http://affiliate.a4dtracker.com/rd/r.php?sid=168&pub=450202&c1=direct&c2=&c3=

You are then redirected to this page where you have to enter various address details:

I did so using the address of an electricity sub station. (yes, I know).  Once all the boxes are ticked and the funny little easily resettable timer is ignored (but noted as a clue to a very good social engineering type scam), you are taken to this website:

In here, the warnings should really be going off in your head by now! They ask for your credit card number, expiry date and CVV number!  And all to get $1 from you!

securecartcenter.com

securecartcenter.com has another hidden domain registration like WhoisGuard but this time with domainsbyproxy.com Surely I can find a real name behind all this?  And don’t call me Shirley. Well right down at the bottom of the credit card screen are some words, well out of normal view.  The whole thing is a signup for Google Treasure Chest who are in no way connected to Google, they hastily point out.  There’s an address in Cheyenne, a house on the corner with about 20 businesses registered there according to Google Maps.  SecureCartCentre isn’t one of them!

Source Code

In the source code for SecureCartCentre we find that images are served from bsadn.pantherssl.com Click that and you’ll get the folder structure for bloosky.com who serve advertising campaigns.  Fish through the folder structure and examine various files.  Google Treasure Chest is there.  Check out some css files and you’ll find that some are loaded from discovertotal.com , which has a contact of bloosky.com So far so good.  If they’d have stuck an htaccess file in there I wouldn’t have seen that, ho hum.

Instant Google Kit

Lots of stuff points to this.  http://googletreasurechest.com/index.php/home.html   It’s the homepage for this ferago.  Interestingly, down at the bottom all the links are to this site except for one, the signup link which goes to: http://web.archive.org/web/20090330184905/http://www.redtomorrowfield.com:80/z/gtc2/?cy=10&pr=19&af=16&ad=19

redtomorrowfield.com

These are also shrouded from enquiry by DomainsByProxy.com  The site actually looks like the treasure chest one – weird.  The form at the bottom is similar to the previous address form but the email address is validated by ebizsuite.com, an eCommerce company.

So Where’s The Problem?

The problem lies in this selection of links below.  There are hundreds on the web.  No-one has anything good to say.

At the bottom of the signup page, is the text:
By submitting this form I authorize Google Treasure Chest to immediately charge my credit card for instant access to the Instant Google kit. I hereby request that Google Treasure Chest activate my account and authorize them to advance funds as indicated. Monthly Service fees will commence seven days from the date of this purchase, and will be billed monthly thereafter. After the seven day trial you will be billed seventy one dollars and twenty one cents USD monthly for the continued access to the software. No refunds will be given for failure to use the requested and provided services. You may cancel at anytime by writing to 2510 Warren Ave Ste. 3363, Cheyenne, WY 82001 or calling 866.951.1406. Google Treasure Chest is not affiliated with, endorsed by or in any way associated with Google. Results vary. Individuals have been remunerated. All Content Copyright © 2005-2009, Google Treasure Chest. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

That’s the problem you see.  It’s almost unreadable.  As everyone found out, instead of a dollar, they all had $71.21 taken away – monthly.

Conclusion

When I started this little investigation, I thought it was a straight phishing expedition to get credit card details.  Instead, it’s a curious grey fuzz of almost legal chicanery. Watch out!


Addendum Posted 7 April 2009

The original popup ad was for a ‘person’ called Kevin Hoeffer with his honestly dismal automatic sales pitch. Today I came across another who mysteriously, used to work for a pipe company! This is on this website http://web.archive.org/web/20110208043425/http://joshmadecash.com/ The actual text goes like this (one paragraph only shown):

A year ago I was an account manager for a (drum roll) a pipe manufacturing company. Not exactly what I dreamed of when I was growing up. The job I had before that, I used to work in at a mortgage company. That job I did like. Initially I was one of the processors and then started working in the sales department. That was really exciting 5-6 years ago. I was trying to learn the ropes as a salesperson and then eventually I really did start to make some money. I was doing well 3-4 years ago. Then as you know the mortgage industry just took a huge down turn. Along with every other industry and jobs available.

Naturally I wondered how many sites there are with this former pipe company (drum roll) bit of spiel going on. Try this Google search on this string “A year ago I was an account manager for a (drum roll) a pipe manufacturing company. Not exactly what I dreamed of when I was growing up.” to see how many. Actually Google says over 100! (202 on 8 May 2009!!)(268 on 29 May 2009!!)


Addendum 10 April 2009

Useful Links

I’ll continue to post extra info here, instead of in the threads below in order to make it more accessible. I seem to be finding stuff out here on an hourly basis, and most of it is depressing as it reveals the vulnerability of the human condition. So please folks, always remember,

“If it looks too good to be true – it is”


Latest News: 27 April 2009

From this article, we see that the ‘company’ behind Google Money Bollox is “Infusion Media Inc”. Try a Google search on the name here. For a company that’s been behind sooooo many different scammy websites, there are only 173 results. Nearly all relate to their dodgy dealings.

We also find that this guy, Philip Danielson, since Dec 2008, seems to have been handed the poisoned chalice that is some form of legal representation for Infusion Media Inc!!

More Related Links


Addendum 2 May 2009

  • Please check this post Google Treasure Chest – Phone and Address List for a collated list of addresses and phone numbers mostly derived from the comments below.  For Google Treasure Chest/Kit/Money Maker type things, the later phone numbers have been found to be effective at getting refunds.
  • I can’t vouch for any scam that’s Cyprus based – that’s a different kettle of fish.
  • According to one commenter to this website, the charges in the Texas Court Summons brought by the Texas AG against some people have been dropped.  I must say that I’ve found no corroboratory evidence for this of either a name, company or actual reporting….  Jameson Johnson decided not to tell.  Maybe he can update us.  However, in light of comments made, I decided that the tone of some commentary was getting like a lynch mob and have edited accordingly.  This does not mean I’ve gone soft – I’ll still call a pig-in-a-poke what it is.

Related Posts:

Peter Hook Meets the Plumber, the Astronomer, and Crawling Chaos

a.k.a.   How Internet Sites strip out Content for Their Own Purposes

These are called feed harvesters or content scrapers amongst other terms and exist solely to copy other people’s content for the purpose of serving adverts, charging folks for getting good hit rates, hosting malware… etc

Gas Chair ClownI came across one while checking a Google Alert on “Crawling Chaos”.  Out popped a reply today, one I’d never seen before.  This is the phrase that you can do a nice Google search on.  It pops up in lots of places.

play bass in New Order/Joy Division/Crawling Chaos

The full text of the paragraph is:

In the wake of Tony Wilson’s death and rumours of New Order “reforming” with Hook, Hook recently wrote on his MySpace blog that “in a conversation with Oliver Wilson about a tribute gig for his father, he asked me what the chances were of getting New Order to perform. I said, ‘Seeing as we have just split up, pretty slim.’ He then said to me, ‘If I could get the others to agree, would you do it?’ I said, ‘In honour of your father, I’d do anything.'” He added that “this means I would sell the popcorn, take the tickets, sweep up after, play bass in New Order/Joy Division/Crawling Chaos.”

The thing is, that this came out in 2007!  This is the NME report on the subject: Exiled bassist hints at possible reunion for Tony Wilson.

Joyce D'FissionNow here are two sites with identical text content, although one has a bit-of-an-indexing system.

  • Plumbot – a site apparently for plumbers!
  • AbsoluteAstronony.com – a site devoted to .. well, astronomy, I suppose

Once I found these two, I didn’t look any more as two is enough to make my point.  The sites are copying this one, Wikipedia!

  • New Order – Wikipedia Main Article, no less.

Who are these people?

Here are the two whois lookups for plumbot and AbsoluteAstronomy.  They’re both USA based apparently and so must be capable of reading Wikipedia’s terms and conditions.

Isn’t Wikipedia Copyright?

We’ll yes & no. Wikipedia say this under Verbatim Copying (which is what the two sites have done)

2. VERBATIM COPYING
You may copy and distribute the Document in any medium, either commercially or noncommercially, provided that this License, the copyright notices, and the license notice saying this License applies to the Document are reproduced in all copies, and that you add no other conditions whatsoever to those of this License. You may not use technical measures to obstruct or control the reading or further copying of the copies you make or distribute. However, you may accept compensation in exchange for copies. If you distribute a large enough number of copies you must also follow the conditions in section 3.
You may also lend copies, under the same conditions stated above, and you may publicly display copies.

Now go and check the two site – the above text isn’t included with the articles and both sites even have the audacity to put “All Rights Reserved” at the bottom!!!

Postscript

The Hacienda: How Not to Run a Club

I’ve said elsewhere that Hooky was the only one out of Joyce D’Fission that I could talk to – all the rest were too posey (ACR were worse though), up their arses and well yes, unstable, in Curtis’s case.  That was my opinion at the time.    Ironically, given his comment,  I did have an idea once to get him to play with us (even part-time) and I may have actually suggested as much when I was pissed up after drinking all their lager at the Russel Club.  If he replied, I think he said it was impractical/too busy/NO/tied up/band wouldn’t like it/etc.  I liked his twangy sound and tend to play that way myself.

Time moves on.  We’ve all changed.

Related Posts:

Comments are closed

What is the Creative Conciousness? Answer – Courage.

Art and creativity come in many forms but since the internet arrived with the huge explosion in community sites and the easy interchange of prior art, maybe the concept of creativity needs re-defining.

Prior art like:

  • a 20 foot oil canvas viewed in a museum
  • a paper book like Harry Potter, read in bed,
  • a film made for viewing on a huge screen in a darkened cinema,
  • a tv episode made to be seen on a standard monitor,
  • a band of musicians playing live in the flesh,
  • a recording of musicians played through a decent system

– all look and sounds different when seen or heard through on a tiny screen or through the tinny speakers of your average PC, laptop or phone.

The relative merits are debatable, of course, considering increased publicity, but the fact is that someone created the original art. Now however, most of the world’s creativity seems to exist solely in the realm of comment and chat using the art as a throwaway metaphore for the “higher purpose” of chattering. :-?

This point was brought home to me by a recent “conversation” on a community media site where the works of Crawling Chaos were dumped and yabbered over. How do I know? Dah! Google and IP logs…

A journo, called Jason Heller, made a piece extolling the remarkable virtues of the first Crawling Chaos vinyl issue and the band’s unquenchable appetite to go against the flow. Quoting liberally from the Crawling Chaos site Jason made some very positive and agreeable comments with a good tenor to the article. Despite a bit of cut & paste, he included a link to his source material – so at least he wasn’t page stealing. He managed to be creative with his prose, and a bit wobbly on influences and truth. Whatever. What he’s doing is nothing special – millions do it, it’s what community sites do! – apart from hoping someone will click on a few ads…

Now, a quick check reveals that the piece and the site are covered in copyright statements for Onion Inc and Omniture. However, not a trace or whisper exists that Crawling Chaos still actually own their music! It seems that people think that art, records and music just appears magically for people’s titillation – a kind of “Creative Commons“. Except it’s not.

Basically, Jason’s “piece” serves as an area where Crawling Chaos became an adjunct to a bout of mutual masturbation and in the centre sits Jason covered in jism and glorifying in the basal annoyances that Crawling Chaos engendered.

This whole community website thing is like this, so nothing new. I let Jason know in my own way with a comment to the post where subsequently, they removed the “reply” link and also my inserted link to our copyright page.

Then the true nature of creativity was revealed. Courage.

Jason pulled his post from his most recent posts list! 8-O

However, the post still exists with the link above and still (as of 31/5/2008), is on the most recent posts for the blog! The links to the copyrighted Crawling Chaos music still exist, boldly, and in the html code. As I stated previously, Onion Inc seems to be claiming ownership of this. I tell you, they’re all a bunch of cunts. Maybe I should page harvest them and suck a bit of advertising off them… :twisted: See how they like it.

Here’s what should’ve happened….

Jason finds a Crawling Chaos record.
"Wow!"  He says.  "This is good!"
Jason checks the web for info on Crawling Chaos.
Jason uses contact form on Crawling Chaos website
Jason asks to use a piece of CC music on a posting of his.
Crawling Chaos say yes, if copyright acknowledgement is made.
Jason does his post in his own creative way.
People keep on wanking etc etc

Everyone is happy, the world keeps turning .

Instead of that, by his subsequent actions Jason is implying denied responsibility for his previous words and actions. Everything has cause and effect. It’s the Buddhist way.

Courage, like freedom, can be a strange thing.

This is the code for Jason’s Post:

– search for <!– start audio player –> and you’ll find the direct links for copyright Crawling Chaos material, hosted on the avclub server.

<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en">
<head>

<title>Vinyl Retentive: Crawling Chaos | The A.V. Club</title>

<script type="text/javascript">
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	afns_ad_redirect = "";
	afns_base_url = "http://www.avclub.com/content/";
		var afns_comments = 2;

</script>

	<base href="http://www.avclub.com/content/" />

	<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8" />

	<link rel="alternate" title="A.V. Club Live Updates" href="http://feeds.theonion.com/avclub/daily" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/modules/audio/audio.css?v=7d10549432e851d929b4835df5ec3587";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/page/elements/blog.css?v=787d269070bae6c75cf4e7f3922ae8d2";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/style/comments.css?v=3afd581eeb158d9b87aeca54239895f5";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/page/elements/related.css?v=7ada7339d658835d9290db455e9e3017";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/misc/drupal.css?v=f79d29e0f15be9d1e413bc4d82eceaac";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/page/elements/global.css?v=028ccc8eacb0cf0f862f4a2e8c98a2e6";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/page/elements/article.css?v=6e0d6cfd4a5749bd96b8d4fb2057977b";</style><style type="text/css" media="all">@import "/content/themes/avclub/style/navbar.css?v=979d93811b66650c11f0fac079a7b064";</style>	<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/common/scripts/ufo_compressed.js?v=154328114cad45c20785d004f6b6a317"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/common/scripts/AudioPlayer.js?v=9fc85b2eaf7b394e99f1d5f6a36cd819"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/common/scripts/jquery.js?v=ebe0ea764139f30972055e9f79972277"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/common/scripts/plugins/jquery.form.js?v=d296f572da41ccf9425a6514ebf72f83"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/common/scripts/plugins/jquery.cookie.js?v=88c6a74be48e2440b906b4ebdffb8b08"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/avclub/javascripts/main.js?v=8ccf741ddad140f693da1cd158e2d62d"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/avclub/javascripts/comments_threaded.js?v3?v=d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="/content/themes/onion/scripts/email_this.js?v=93befa9856bf281d3292a7b5e9e80f0f"></script>

<meta name="description" content="Meet the solar panel to the sex machine." />
<meta name="copyright" content="(c) Copyright 2008 by Onion, Inc. All rights reserved." />
<meta name="keywords" content="Music" />
<meta name="site" content="avclub.com" />
<meta name="type" content="blog" />
<meta name="nid" content="79972" />
<meta name="date" content="May 20, 2008" />
<meta name="issue" content="4311" />
<meta name="teaser" content="Meet+the+solar+panel+to+the+sex+machine." />
<meta name="category" content="" />
<meta name="category2" content="" />
<meta name="title" content="Vinyl+Retentive%3A+Crawling+Chaos" />
<meta name="robots" value="noindex,follow"/>
<link rel="image_src" href="http://www.avclub.com/content/files/images/crawling+chaos2.thumbnail.jpg" />
<link rel="videothumbnail" href="http://www.avclub.com/content/files/images/crawling+chaos2.thumbnail.jpg" type="image/jpeg" />

<link rel="icon" href="/content//themes/avclub/favicon.ico"  type="image/x-icon" />
<link rel="shortcut icon" href="/content//themes/avclub/favicon.ico"  type="image/x-icon" />

<!-- OAS SETUP begin -->
<script type="text/javascript">
<!--
//configuration
//OAS_url = http://localhost/RealMedia/ads/';
OAS_url = http://web.archive.org/web/20040208151127/http://oascentral.theonion.com:80/RealMedia/ads/';
//OAS_sitepage = window.location.hostname + window.location.pathname;
OAS_sitepage = 'theonionavclub/blog';
OAS_listpos = 'Top,Right1,Bottom1,Middle';
OAS_query = '';
OAS_target = '_blank';
//end of configuration
OAS_version = 10;
OAS_rn = '001234567890'; OAS_rns = '1234567890';
OAS_rn = new String (Math.random()); OAS_rns = OAS_rn.substring (2, 11);
function OAS_NORMAL(pos) {
  document.write('<A HREF="' + OAS_url + 'click_nx.cgi/' + OAS_sitepage + '/1' + OAS_rns + '@' + OAS_listpos + '!' + pos + '?' + OAS_query + '" TARGET=' + OAS_target + '>');
  document.write('<IMG SRC="' + OAS_url + 'adstream_nx.cgi/' + OAS_sitepage + '/1' + OAS_rns + '@' + OAS_listpos + '!' + pos + '?' + OAS_query + '" BORDER=0></A>');
}

OAS_version = 11;
if (navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Mozilla/3') != -1 || navigator.userAgent.indexOf('Mozilla/4.0 WebTV') != -1)
  OAS_version = 10;
if (OAS_version >= 11)
  document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="' + OAS_url + 'adstream_mjx.ads/' + OAS_sitepage + '/1' + OAS_rns + '@' + OAS_listpos + '?' + OAS_query + '"><\/scr'+'ipt>');

document.write('');
function OAS_AD(pos) {
  if (OAS_version >= 11)
	OAS_RICH(pos);
  else
	OAS_NORMAL(pos);
}
//-->
</script>
<!-- OAS SETUP end -->
</head>
<body  id="blog" >

	<div id="omniture">

				 <!-- SiteCatalyst code version: H.6.
		Copyright 1997-2006 Omniture, Inc. More info available at
		http://www.adobe.com/marketing-cloud.html -->
		<script language="JavaScript" src="http://www.avclub.com/content/themes/avclub/javascripts/omnitureprod/s_code.js"></script>
		<script language="JavaScript"><!--
				 s.channel = "Music"
s.pageName = "Vinyl Retentive: Crawling Chaos"
s.server = "origin.avclub.com"
s.pageType = "Page"
s.eVar1 = "blog"
s.eVar2 = "Blog"
s.eVar4 = "Blog With Comments"
s.eVar14 = "browse"
s.prop1 = "79972"
s.prop5 = "http://origin.avclub.com/content/blog/vinyl_retentive_crawling_chaos"
s.linkTrackEvents = "event4"
s.events = "event4"
s.prop50 = "Music"
				 /************* DO NOT ALTER ANYTHING BELOW THIS LINE ! **************/
		var s_code=s.t();if(s_code)document.write(s_code)//--></script>
		<script language="JavaScript"><!--
		if(navigator.appVersion.indexOf('MSIE')>=0)document.write(unescape('%3C')+'\!-'+'-')
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		<!--/DO NOT REMOVE/-->
		<!-- End SiteCatalyst code version: H.6. -->
				 	</div>

	<div id="wrapper">

		<div id="header">
			<div id="top_logo">
  <div id="logo">
    <a href="/content/home"><img src="/content/themes/avclub/images/nav/avclub_logo.gif" alt="A.V. Club"/></a>
  </div>
  <div id="top_banner" class="advert banner">
    <script type="text/javascript">OAS_AD('Top');</script>  </div>
</div>

		</div>

		<div id="main">

			<!-- start main content -->		

			<div id="content">
				<div id="blog_top">
	<h1>A.V. Club Blog</h1>

	<div class="dotted">&nbsp;</div>

</div>

<div id="blog_main_content">

	<!-- blog -->
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			<a name="79972">&nbsp;</a>
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		<!-- blog info -->
		<div class="blog_info">
			<h2 class="bm"><a href="/content/blog/vinyl_retentive_crawling_chaos">Vinyl Retentive: Crawling Chaos</a></h2>
			<div class="tm mt">posted by: <b><a href="author/jheller">Jason Heller</a></b></div>
			<div class="smalltext">May 20, 2008 - 4:49pm</div><br/>
		</div>

					<div class="blog_body article_text">
				<i>In Vinyl Retentive, A.V. Clubbers share what we find while crate-digging in our own houses.</i><p><p><p>
			<p class="two c">
			<img src="http://www.avclub.com/content/files/images/crawling chaos2.jpg" alt="Crawling Chaos vinyl" title="Crawling Chaos vinyl"  width="360" height="270" />
			</p><!--[image:79767]--><p><p><p><b>Crawling Chaos</b><p><p><p><b>”Sex Machine” b/w “Berlin”</b><p><p><p><b>Factory Records, 1980</b><p><p><p><b>Format:</b> 7-inch single<p><p><p><b>File Under:</b> The unsexiest booty jam ever<p><p><p>Seeing as how I covered James Brown in <a href="http://www.avclub.com/content/blog/vinyl_retentive_james_brown">last week’s Vinyl Retentive</a>, it seems perversely fitting to follow it up with Crawling Chaos’ “Sex Machine.” Nope, it’s not a cover of JB’s funk anthem—in fact, if his “Sex Machine” is a stiff dose of aural Viagra, Crawling Chaos’ is the musical equivalent of getting punched in the groin. While being forced to watch barnyard porn. Starring your mom and dad.<p><p><p>
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			<h4 class="title">"Sex Machine" by Crawling Chaos</h4>
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<p><p><p>“It was (and still is) an unwritten policy,” it is, well, written on <a href="http://crawlingchaos.co.uk/myths">the band’s website</a>, “for Crawling Chaos and their ilk to annoy as many people as possible.” While it’s not exactly clear who their ilk are, the group’s two core members—Doomage Khult and Strangely Perfect, the latter being maybe my favorite punkonym next to Will Shatter—were spurred to form Crawling Chaos by the British punk explosion of the ’70s. Further inspired by proto-industrial noise terrorists like Cabaret Voltaire and Throbbing Gristle—as well as the macabre prose of H.P. Lovecraft, whose “The Crawling Chaos” might have had some small influence on the band’s name—Khult and Perfect did, as promised, annoy. In fact, the band only barely managed to get signed to the legendary Factory Records; allegedly, the decision was hotly debated by Factory head Tony Wilson and partner Rob Gretton. It didn’t help band-label relations much when Factory wound up having to siphon money from Joy Division profits to press the Crawling Chaos’ debut single, “Sex Machine,” which came in an embossed, expensive-to-produce sleeve.<p><p><p>
			<p class="two c">
			<img src="http://www.avclub.com/content/files/images/crawling chaos.jpg" alt="Crawling Chaos, "Sex Machine" b/w "Berlin"" title="Crawling Chaos, "Sex Machine" b/w "Berlin""  width="360" height="270" />
			</p><!--[image:79757]--><p><p><p>At the time, Factory had just three bands on its roster: The Durutti Column, A Certain Ratio, and the recently beheaded Joy Division (with OMD already having defected to a major label). As relatively eclectic as that bunch was, Crawling Chaos didn’t fit in with any of them. Even the sexiest of the Factory bands, A Certain Ratio, bore the label’s trademark cold, clean lines and antiseptic aura. Crawling Chaos, though, was a fucking wreck. Gangling, ungainly, sloppy, self-sabotaging, murderously humorous, and perhaps mildly insane, the group appropriated the title of one of James Brown’s most archetypal funk tracks and basically took a big dump on it. Clinical detachment was the name of the game when it came to that era’s synthesizer-backed post-punk, but Crawling Chaos was about as robotically aloof as a rusty lawnmower—and “Sex Machine” is a dripping, glorious, psychosexual phantasmagoria worthy of Ballard or Cronenberg (or a precociously perverted 11-year-old). The synths are demented, the singing shrill, the beats nearly brain-dead—but it’s the lyrics alone that are worth a trip to the nut farm:<p><p><p><b>I’ve got a brand new pair of genes<p>I’ve been to the doc, he’s got the means<p>He’s turned me into a sex machine<p>He’s given me a pair of enormous balls<p>That could even fill the Festival Hall<p>With schoolgirls screaming for more and more<p><p><p>I'm going to the doctor’s<p>It’s easy you see<p>No need for operations<p>And you’ll know how it feels<p><p><p>Tomorrow I get my hands done<p>With fifteen fingers and a phallic thumb<p>I’ll rattle the girls till they come and come<p>The stomach lining change has really done the trick<p>It brews alcohol and gives me kicks<p>And makes me have supersonic sicks<p><p><p>I’ve got pricks on my toes and one on my nose<p>And some on my back that nobody knows<p>But the one I got first still grows and grows<p>I’ve got a set of clits hanging in my ear<p>I’ve been to the doc to get a smear<p>He told me I had gonorrhea<p><p><p>A nuclear prick is hidden up my bum<p>I tried it on a lady who likes some fun<p>And she got blown to kingdom come</b><p><p><p>Still, “Sex Machine”—as refreshingly anti-pop and counter-aphrodisiac as it is—sounds like Depeche Mode compared to the single’s B-side, “Berlin.” The name of that city at that time bore connotations of Lou Reed, David Bowie, and the Teutonic lockstep of Krautrock, which were all clear influences on Crawling Chaos. And they all melt into a dissonant mess all over “Berlin,” an aimlessly menacing jam that limps and burps along for seven torturous minutes before succumbing to some kind of sonic gangrene. In other words: It’s fantastic.<p><p><p>
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			<h4 class="title">"Berlin" by Crawling Chaos</h4>
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<p><p><p><b>Current whereabouts:</b> Crawling Chaos’ relationship with Factory went south soon after the release of their debut album, 1982’s equally sick and surreal <i>The Gas Chair</i>. From there the band started releasing records on its own label, Foetus (no relation to Jim Thirlwell’s pioneering industrial project of the same name, although it’s not hard to imagine Thirlwell and Crawling Chaos being mutual admirers). Khult and Perfect gradually drifted away from the group, although they reunited in 2003 for a new full-length titled <i>Homunculus Equinox</i>.<p><p><p>While loved by ’90s indie-pop luminaries <a href="http://www.avclub.com/content/node/77971">Unrest</a>, who covered “Sex Machine” on a Sub Pop single in 1991, Crawling Chaos has sadly been forgotten in favor of their more somber and earnest post-punk contemporaries. When Factory’s resident Joy Division clones, Crispy Ambulance, are more fondly remembered than you are, you know you’ve definitely annoyed all the right people—like, for instance, critic Simon Reynolds, who figured Crawling Chaos didn’t even warrant a mention in his definitive post-punk history, <i>Rip It Up And Start Again</i>. Despite the Factory-mania that followed <i>24 Hour Party People</i>—not to mention the whole post-punk revival of the aughts—Crawling Chaos doesn’t even have its own Wikipedia entry. Apparently undaunted, Khult and Perfect <a href="http://crawlingchaos.co.uk/?p=105"> are still plugging away</a>. <p><p><p><b>Availability:</b> The “Sex Machine”/“Berlin” 45 is currently on sale for between $40 and $70 on the Internet, but both sides showed up as bonus tracks on the recent CD reissue of <i>The Gas Chair</i>.<p>			</div>
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