Tag Archive: sausage

Laws are like sausages — it is best not to see them being made: Mercenary Guidelines for a Better World

Guidelines for a Better World



Laws are like sausages — it is best not to see them being made.  Perhaps I should re-phrase this as:

The Rules of Law and International Diplomacy are like sausages — it is best not to see them being made

It’s a strange world out there.  Two recent political events have brought two previously unlinked ideas to my mind.  The events are:

Wikileaks disclosures
Innocents Killed In Iraq

Innocents Killed In Iraq by US gunship

For the Wikileaks disclosures, I see them as a highly embarrassing thing for those involved, but an empowering thing for us mere mortals who are divorced from the diplomatic process.  Normally, all the guts of the process are hidden.

In the case of the cover-up of the turkey shoot of unarmed civilians by US helicopter crews, it is something of which we should all be aware, no matter how discomforting for us.

In truth, we need better leaders in the West, people of real morals and guts so that we do not have to see the guts of innocents sprayed on the streets ever again to realise how crap the current bunch are.

Mercenary Forces

Mercenary forces I see as a fact of current and historical life, the old colonial powers especially – indeed, the UK has its own dirty hand in this.  For nigh-on 200 years the UK has even had its own full-time mercenaries, the Gurkhas, typically used in near-suicidal conflict situations.  Also, currently, from the standpoint of an Afghan tribesman, the British Army in Afghanistan could be seen as little more than mercenaries in the employ of a puppet king, Hamid Karzai.  For the tribesman, little has changed – there’s money about but he sees none of it whosoever is in charge.


Click to see Sausage Making process from the inside.

Sausage Making

In the meantime, we have diplomacy.  For the West, this is a world of essentially astute well educated  folk, usually adept in law not technology, that seek to make deals with not-so-nice folk for our own country’s benefit.


Because these deals are done at the guttural level, like sausage-making, it’s an unpleasant process to stumble upon – which is exactly what we’ve seen with the Wikileaks Diplomatic Cable exposures.  Naturally we are aghast that such things go on in our name.  For me, it seems to be a wholly unpleasant process in our current world and something I’d wish to eliminate.

Earth in an oil drop

Taking the current crisis in Libya;  for the previous three years the Blair/Brown Labour Government has made overtures with Libya, sold arms and even SAS training, but all with the aim of ensuring Libya kept it’s hands off the nuclear button.  Seems good-ish.  Laudable aims, jaw-jaw nor war-war and all that.

This process, now revealed, is ugly – but no more so than our current Prime Minister Cameron sucking up to some Gulf Arabs who, like Libya, run a similar kind of oligarchic, autocratic, nepotistic state, full of outlandish greed and luxury with no voice for the inhabitants!  Seems pretty bad.  ………   It is bad.  Really bad.  It’s the same process as before, and we only do it because we need their oil.   Forget about Grand Prix cars and World Cup Football – it’s all about the O. I. L.  – OIL.

So What to Do?

Use Oil?  Sell Bullets.

Most of the recent interventions of the West’s (let’s call them wars should we – after all, thousands have died?), have been into countries that maintain a nice, steady flow of oil to us rich, lazy, westerners.  We think nothing of flying the globe or motoring to the shop for a cheap item that has most probably already crossed the globe once on its way from China, so yes, it’s important we can do this, right?…

On the other hand, our presence in places like Sudan, Rwanda or Congo has been notable by our absence.  Millions have brutally died.  (a.k.a. we don’t care as you’ve no oil.)

Meanwhile our presence in places like Nigeria or Bhopal, India has been notable for our poisoning of the local inhabitants without a trace of remorse or compensation by those involved.

Not Use Oil?  Don’t Sell Bullets.

  • Self-sufficient city planned near Seoul

    A Planned Self Sufficient Korean City

    Consider our own little part of the world.  It’s a place that many people in the world aspire to live because we are essentially free and most material things in our lives can be satisfied.

  • Consider how bright and technologically advanced we consider ourselves to be.

Now consider a world where we eliminated our dependency on chicken dictatorships – a world where we used our technological prowess to eliminate the consumption of oil and our addiction to the making and selling of arms, mostly to these self-same oil rich oligarchies. It’d be a world where we, the citizenry,  didn’t have to look on aghast as all our tax money was spent on bribing simple crooks to talk to us nicely.

Surely, like Egypt & Tunisia, those sort of oligarchies would collapse if we stopped buying their oil and stopped selling them our finest weaponry?

And if they didn’t, so what? There’d be no need for us as a nation to be thrown into hypocritical situations and taking ghastly actions for which we’d later be thoroughly ashamed.  Those areas of the world could take their own destinies into their own hands.

Green Shoot Of Peace

Green Shoot Of Peace

And Diplomacy? For us, we should see more not less of the words and processes done in our name.  We are not children and sooner or later, if the diplomats have fucked it up, we’re going to find out anyway, much as we did after WW1, WW2 and anywhere else our sons and brothers get killed in someone else’s war.

  • We need a proper, ethical, foreign policy.
  • We need diplomats of guile and courage, just like now,  to promote it.
  • And really, we really, really, need to be self-sufficient for all our needs and not rely on corrupt tin-pot states that have not left the Middle Ages in outlook.  This single thing is the most important thing for us and the peaceful futures of our immediate descendants.
  • We need a bit of courage to do this – to wean ourselves off this drug-like dependency on crooks of no substance who happen to sit on stuff we just happen to need, now.  Lets use our technological nous and make the current now a thing of the past – like stone axes and bronze swords, historical curiosities.
  • Mercenaries have courage – after all, if caught they’re usually the first one’s strung up.  See Dead Mercenary Taken to Tripoli Morgue, Libia Protests 2011.   But if the mercenaries have a proper home – what then?  There’d just be the few psychos like there’s always been, because you know, most people, even young hotheads, don’t want to wind up in an early grave.


Courage is Contagious.

Get the t-shirt!

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GM, BMW, All Gotta Change or Die Like Jaws

Strangely post on August 4th, 2008
Posted in Environment Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Carmaker GM loses another $15.5bn

BMW to miss its targets for 2008

GM discusses sale of Hummer brand

And about time too.  The sooner they go bust, or change what they make to something that consumes less wantonly, the better for everyone on the world.  People might buy the stuff as well, which would help them.

The only person who will really suffer is Horatio from CSI Miami.  What’s he going to drive round in?  See Weeblstuff’s CSI Pie-ami: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/CSI/

In an old Star Trek episode with Jim (suck-in-belly) Kirk, there was a big sausage type machine that looked like a giant greeny-grey lamprey or basking shark, that travelled the universe relentlessly swallowing up everything in it’s path in it’s quest for more fuel to keep it going.  A bit like a ramjet.  Or Jaws.

That’s what these cars are like.

Check the music in the Doomsday Machine part of the clip.  Just remember this pre-dates Spielberg’s Jaws by a few years and you may get an idea where John Williams got the Jaws Theme.

And just like the all-consuming machine, just like Jaws the Fish, they’ll end up consuming themselves and blowing up.

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Angst in East Lancs Wasteland


Angst in East Lancs Wasteland

This was the banner headline in Melody Maker, I think, for the gig at the Leigh Festival in 1979.

Two things stick in my mind about the gig (we played in the afternoon) apart from it being freezing cold and there being no-one there. The topic in both is toilet related for all fans of lavatorial humour.

  • On the bus there were no toilets but there was lots of cans of beer and lager. So increasing bladder pressures led to the empty tins getting filled with piss (I think the bus only did one piss stop on the journey). Doomage had just filled his empty can and Billy Connolly (Gordon) asked if he could have a drink of lager because he was thirsty. Doomage gave him the can of piss, expecting some form of derogatory comment, and Gordon drank it, remarking only, that it tasted warm.
    Funnily enough, (in the interests of joined-up thinking), I recall seeing on “Richard and Judy”, a guy talking about the (cringe-worthy) health-giving merits of piss drinking. I think the disaster prone alleged-sausage-nicker referred to it as “Urine Therapy” and the guy came from,… where else,… but Manchester. Someone else has remarked on this; see a posting here. (BTW, I’ve only ever seen about 3 R & J episodes, and this was one of them, all by accident I’d like to point out before the street cred is shot too much.)
  • The second thing is the fact that Crawling Chaos had a song called “Merry Christmas, Prince Charles” which Jeff and me wrote in my bedroom in 10 minutes and embellished over time. The song started with a long monologue from me backed by mournful keyboard and guitar sounds and a few cymbal splashes. The gist of the “speech” was about a fictionalised personal meeting between Strangely Perfect and Prince Charles which I always made up on the spur of the moment.
    In the case of the Leigh Festival, there were some toilets which I’d visited just before we went on because of all the beer and nerves, (they were to the right when viewed from the stage), and I fitted them into the monologue…An hour or so later, when we’d finished playing, this beautiful girl came up to me and started talking about the Prince Charles song (naturally, I really thought I was in there as I thought she was chatting me up…).

    She said, “You know you mentioned the toilets where you talked to Prince Charles?”

    “Yes?”, I feverishly replied….

    “Well can you tell me where they are – ‘cos I’m bursting?”, she deflatingly retorted with her question.

    And that was the end of what could have been a wonderful romance!

Apart from that, we didn’t stay to see Joyce D’vision (or if we did I can’t remember) but I recall seeing OMD and their spinny tape deck (we had one similarly but kept it out of sight as we had more than enough stuff to fill the stage)

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