Crap NATO Can’t Catch a Cold, Let Alone a Pirate

Admiral Mark FitzgeraldAdmiral Mark Fitzgerald told the BBC that  Somali pirates ‘hard to defeat’.  So even though NATO want to install missiles all over Europe to counter a mythical threat, and even though they have highly advanced RADAR, monitoring and communication systems, they still can’t manage to do what the Royal Navy did very effectively 200 years ago using wooden ships with cloth sails;  That is,


Ship of the LineApparently, he says it’s because they keep themselves hidden until the last minute so that it’s very hard to tell if they’re pirates,… … … or not.

Er.  That’s what it was like 200 years ago, me whinnying heartie!

He said,

How do you prove a guy’s a pirate before he actually attacks a ship?

Ah bless.   Er.  Here’s how…

You’ve got the most powerful navy on the world.  Reach an agreement with all commercial nations that it’s okay to stop and check every ship passing through the Straits.  Say for a year.  Reel some along if it’ll help.

If you can’t get agreement, do it anyway.  You normally do when it comes to the actual killing, why be so coy now?   Just like Iraq 1, Iraq 2, Afghanistan, Grenada, Chile, Salvador, Honduras, Cuba…….zzzz

You’ll soon stop the pirates!

Pirates!So Admiral, you have a fine career record and loads of take-offs and landings, a batch of medals and a clutch of command postings that would make any list maker jealous.  So just sit in front of a radar screen and listen in on the walkie-talkie stuff going on (the pirates are organised and have synchronised attacks so they must have radio).  Employ the odd Somali who can interpret the chatter (yes, amazingly pirates don’t speak American like in the movies).  Then go on deck, look down, and the teeny tiny little boat with six guys in it, armed with rocket launchers and guns,

They are the pirates!

If you need any further help, ask Jack Sparrow.

By Strangely

Founding member of the gifted & talented band, "The Crawling Chaos" from the North-East of England.


  1. Probably should write about the benefits to the relevant governments and businesses of the existence of the Mafia, Mafyia and Somalian (amongst others eg, Mexico and Indonesia areas). For example, most Russian based businesses pay a Russian mafyia for protection as the new legal system has little or no protection for personal/intellectual property etc as it is a bit of a mish mash of old Soviet laws designed to protect the State not the individual and civil law. There’s also the more obvious reason that having organised crime gives them something to invent new w/l-aws about – eg apply the Patriot Act to US mafia, put US (sorry nato whatever..) troops into East Africa etc. I’m sure there are many better examples out there that I cannot think of right now…

    NATO flotilla to start anti-piracy operations soon and NATO warships ready to tackle piracy off Somalia

    I’d like to say Hurrah! but the reality is that the response is far too late. The Somali chiefs now have a money and a war chest of tens, if not hundreds of millions of dollars of money and equipment.

    This will be enough to make serious mischief for decades to come.

    Much like the scourges of the 20th century like the Mafia and international drugs smuggling which have ruined the lives of millions, this piracy started off as a small endeavour due to government decisions or procrastination and has now ballooned out into a major problem.

    The Mafia started with a few boys illegally selling alcohol to satisfy public demand for it, because of a daft law had banned it…. Now it has a turnover equal to the GDP of a country.

    Cocaine and heroine started off as a laugh and a giggle among the wealthy elite…. Now people across the world die in back alleys because of addictions, power, money and control ….

    The Somali barons now have a sizeable stash to do almost anything they set their minds to.

    I think that when the piracy menace has stopped, it won’t mean that the problem has gone away – it’ll have just morphed into something else.

    Wait and see, wait and see.

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