I’m so tired from watching TV I have to have a nap

“I’m so tired from watching TV I have to have a nap”

Thus spake Philip Chawner, 53, in the Daily Mail inspired newspaper and TV witch-hunt which kicked off in ‘Closer’ magazine.  The ensuing rants from outraged people are predictable but it all just looks like a bit of entrepreneurship from the Chawner family to me.

In line with Goody’s expletives and the minutiae of her probably imminent death, this is just another example.  Previously they’d tried to get a daughter onto one of the odious Simon Cowell’s shows last year.


Unbelievably, Cowell’s comments were spot on – “If you’ve come in here to give me a hard time, you’ve got to look at yourselves”, he said when confronted by the irate mum and dad.  “You are the reason why this girl is going to be disappointed.  I have to blame you guys, for encouraging her to believe that she’s going to do well in something, and she’s not!  You’ve given her false hope.  She can’t sing.”

So that effort failed and this latest ‘outrage’ on top of the one where they got chucked out of their house, is just another.  Is it mind-blowing badness – I think not.

It costs the taxpayer 22k pa to keep them ticking over.  That’s about 5.5k each.  In a separate taxpayer-funded extravaganza, we find that Mandelson’s flower bill is actually 24k pa, and well below the payment for failure of Fred Goodwin which is 703k pa!

Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex PistolsIn this context, the Chawner’s should feel ‘hard done by’, but so should everyone else in the country.  And the Chawners, while being too fat to work, are not too fat to improvise, nor too fat to fuck.  But they should do a few sums before getting everyone’s ire up though.  Fifty quid a week on food comes to £2.5k pa.  This leaves £20k unaccounted for.  It can’t all be housing costs…  I smell a porkie pie about to be swallowed.

Personally, I think the fat foursome have sat around for a few weeks dreaming up wacky things to say that’ll get them in the papers.  After all, as well as fat, time is something that they have in abundance.

Their phrase which so tickled me in the title, reminds me of a SEx Pistols track from Spunk called “I’m a Lazy Sod”.  I’m so lazy I can’t even make my own bed….

By Strangely

Founding member of the gifted & talented band, "The Crawling Chaos" from the North-East of England.


  1. I say we put them in a private safari park and pay some rich Americans to hunt them down and kill the scourge of the Chawners! Maybe then they'll lose some weight! (lard-arses)!

  2. Well someone has to be wrong….

    The Chawners have forced themselves into the news again with an interview in this Radio Five Live special. In the interview they say they’re getting £10-12k benefits in total, not the £22k as initially quoted in the Daily Mail and then repeated by every news organisation. There then follows a litany of clean living phrases and stats, and stories of how they’ve been vilified, ridiculed and attacked, including a vindictive Facebook account.

    So I’ve checked the money bits. (2008 rates are here pdf)

    Not trusting the statements by either the Chawners or the Daily Mail and without knowing anything apart from what they’ve reportedly said, I’ve found…

    The basic income support is about £50 per person dependant on age etc. Roughly £200 a week for the family, which is a bit over £10k p.a. as they say. So far so good.
    But they live in a house. Council tax will be ~£1-1.3K p.a. which because it’s paid as they’re receiving benefits, knocks the total up to about £12k p.a.
    There will also be some actual housing costs; formula rental for a 3 bed council house is a maximum of £127 p.w. for 2009. If this was paid, it equates to ~6.5K p.a. This is paid as housing benefit.

    So now the total is ~£18.5k.

    I think they claim some sort of disability allowance for diabetes or such things…. I haven’t checked the levels of this, but in reality, and I hate to admit it, the Daily Mail figure is starting to look much more accurate than the numbers the Chawners are bandying around.

    And fair play to them. Who ever checks this stuff apart from me?

    • It’s still less than Peter Mandelson’s flower bill for his office!
    • It’s considerably less than Jacqui Smith’s second home at taxpayer’s expense
    • And less than McNulty’s second home allowance for something just round the corner

    The fact is that everyone is playing the system for all they can, right from the so-called top down to the so-called bottom of society. There is no difference between them except the Chawners have no financial cushion for when times get hard. They are at the bottom. They have no more to lose and everything to gain.
    For Jacqui Smith et al, why do they do it? They’ve money in the bank. They’re already winners with good money and the prestige of office.

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