Government Database Lie

Question. When Is Database not a Database?

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Answer.  When it’s a Government Lie

And now, here is the news…

Plan to monitor all internet use

The home secretary, Wacky Backy Jacqui, has decided to scrap her naff plans for a (big) database but wants details of ALL internet activity to be held and organised for security services.

The ‘new’ system would track all e-mails, phone calls and internet use, including visits to social network sites.

This is apparently being called:

….a modernisation of UK police surveillance tactics!!!

Database Usage Explained

Fortunately, I’m not that thick to be taken in by this crap.  All the tens of thousands of database administrators and designers across the land must be at once giggling at the ineptitude of the statement but fearful of it’s monstrosity.  Most will routinely (like me) join and merge data from a plethora of different systems.  It’s not hard.

So Jacqui Smith;  her with a loose grasp of personal rights and wrongs regarding the public purse, and a demonstrably poor regard for our historical freedoms, is saying that all this data will be kept… where?

  • In a loose-leaf file?
  • In a scrapbook?
  • In some spreadsheets?
  • In a powerpoint display?
  • In a few Microsoft Word documents?
  • In PC Plod’s back pocket?
  • In one or more separate modern inter-communicating databases?

Leave your answers in the comments box.

As for political responses;

  • the Tories just want to score brownie points saying lots of ‘small’ databases is good but one ‘big’ one is bad.   (big and small are relative here – the data storage requirements are colossal, rivalling Google)
  • the Liberals are typically wishy-washy, talking about ‘balance’.

Fuck the lot of them – I’m off for a lobotomy.

By Strangely

Founding member of the gifted & talented band, "The Crawling Chaos" from the North-East of England.


  1. Autumn SceneI’ve visited Cirencester for business not personal reasons so I don’t know it that well! The thing is that the Arboretum is on Points West every autumn and by the time I decide to go, it’s all cold, wet and windy, and all the leaves have been blasted off…. It’s not far for me – I’m in Somerset; the problem is the getting up and going!
    Now I’ve got a new camera, I’ve a proper excuse to go.

  2. Thanks Duncan.
    The good thing about cameras is that everyone has one now and you can point them where you want. Granted, it’s illegal to take a photo of a policeman now, but that didn’t stop people at the G20 demonstrations – so what are they gonna do – arrest everyone?

    I see you’ve done the Westonbirt website. You know, I lived in the South-West for over twenty years and never visited the place. I must go this autumn!

    1. True! apart from the Police may just slap you and break your camera! lol!

      Thanks for your interest in our work, yeah its a great place to live – very scenic! plus there Ice Cream is awesome so im told!

      I take it you know Cirencester then?

  3. Haha! just stumbled upon your site and this article really made me chuckle!

    Politicians seem to really get off saying stuff like ‘Database’ as they think it gives the impression to the people that they know what there talking about.

    ‘Police surveillance tactics, has become a dirty word in my book and needs to be watched as they would have us under curfew for ‘our own safety’ if not kept an eye on!

    Keep up the good work mate, look forward to reading more of ya stuff!

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