- Don’t just sniff and worry.
- Don’t sweat.
- Don’t worry about Death by Flu.
Instead, worry about:
“Death by Powerpoint”!
Or try Death by Portable Document Format!
https://www.scotland.gov.uk/Resource/Doc/924/0054555.pdf (written in 2007)
Some bits are okay actually, especially the picture of Maiden Castle. But if you do get the flu, stay in, don’t pass it on. That’s the fastest way to stop an epidemic.
If, on the other hand, you wish to be like Typhoid Mary, go to work, sneeze on everyone, don’t wash your hands and face, leave snot and shit on the toilet door handles. That’ll work.
For further information, ask these people:
Pandemic Influenza Preparedness
Health Improvement and Protection
Department of Health
80 London Road
Direct line: 020 7972 5068
Apparently it’s in Torquay now – woohoo! In the spirit of re-naming the flu conventions, I’m now going to call it, ‘Oiks on a drunken weekend Flu’. When it reaches Eastbourne, I’ll call it ‘Honda-driving Pensioner Flu’.