Last updated on November 20th, 2015
I’ve got a brand new packet of Tom Thumb,
I’ve journey’d into space with me mum,
And a packet of Danish Cookies too,
I borrowed Jeff’s bike to kill myself on,
And gave Hol a backa to the shops,
Up, up, and away to the toilet,
The five thousand flew,
After they had watched the news,
And had their pies and peas,
With tea and bread,
– by Flambard d’Quinceteth, local drunk and Tyne & Wear Council’s chief advisor for flower arranging.
The above has been extracted from the Crawling Chaos magazine, circa 1985. It must be read aloud in the style of a pompous actor poet, like Alfred Lord Tennyson say, and with a Brian Blessed voice. By design, it is completely without meter or rhyme.